It’s finally happened. I’m not funny.

All my life I’ve been told I’m a ratbag. I’m a maniac. I need help. I see life different. Hint of lunacy in the blood. Touch of madness in the haircut. Dickins, he’s crazy. Dickins, he thinks like the turn-off to Shepparton.

And generally I have to say I’ve agreed with the general view; the consensus is, always has been, that Barry Dickins is as silly as a wheel. Mind you, mostly I find people who run me down about as grim as Ryan’s rope. Grimmer. (Is there a grimmer? There must be.)